the confusion of a gathering

i'm pretty sure i draw awesome birds,
but none of this matters right now.

what really matters is that everybody
drinks too much,
and at the same time not enough
at all.

i even saw my dad drunk this weekend,
more hammered than i can ever remember.
the sad thing,
or funny thing,
is that i was too drunk
to even remember.

then chris was kicked out
for flinging meatballs at the ceiling.
this made lauren cry.

i never witnessed a thing
because
i was somewhere on the backporch
smoking cigarettes with steve.

and whats really weird
is that i haven't smoked a cigarette
with anyone
in six months
and twentyone days.

postpartum

you just don't know where to begin,
each thought is stronger than metal
and these thoughts are threaded
into larger chains of being.

most of the time
we sit here,
stunned,
waiting for the daze to end,

unable to think,
unable to vacuum the fuzz
from our brains,

we are nothing more than microbial intentions
lost
in a wilderness of eventual endings.