christmas presense

one more christmas.
one more present received,
that i don't remember asking for.

i am only a stranger staring into a backdrop
comprised
of all of them.

and here i am,
under another roof,
with one more girl
i decided to live with.

she loves me
and i love her,
and i know that one day
we will compete to see
whose heart we can char the quickest.

inhalation

i miss smoking.
i miss feeling smoke enter and
leave my body like it's some stranger
you bring home after a bar.

i miss the comfort of being alone,
when i pretended i was the only ship
left at sea on that particular night.

i miss the noise that stranded streetlights and stoplights made
at 3 o'clock in the morning
where ever i had lived alone.

i wish i could exhale my sentiments
into the nothingness of a vacuum.